To me, at least. For two days, I've been down with flu and it's been fantastic! Post-nasal drip allows one to experience severe coughing spells at night, or anytime you're lying down. At this position the fluid from the nose goes down through the inside unto your throat, which in turn irritates and causes the reflex action of coughing - not just once but a series of it. Terrible.

On the brighter side of things, sickness is a blessing in disguise for it can give one the best excuse to be off from work (as if you don't know). So how did I fare? Well, a lot of lazing around took place. Every morning after mom's breakfast, I'd go out in our little front garden to do photography (it's actually just a few tweaking of my digicam's settings, I just prefer to sound professional hehe). In a while my handy dandy notebook will be waiting for me. My best mood usually strikes when I'm off the office (without the pressure to come up with silly-sounding articles). I got to write about so many things (non-USWB, take note) I've been wanting to put down on paper. Best of all, it was a time for me to take the necessary pause to reflect and dream, at the same time. These are essential cuts in life. I have this vision that a few years from now; I would be looking back at these moments when I had the chance to be alone to gather myself and to think about the kind of life I want to lead. If this vision comes true, I want it to be a good memory.

Perhaps, being alone is bliss. And sickness can be kind (minus the cough spells at night).

Ochock's Birthday.

Happy birthday rugby boy! Haha! Oh yes, you can rant about life not being kind to you (and to mom and dad, no less) with the seemingly continuous downfalls you collect along the way. But more than anything else brother, my heart will always go for you. The hardship of being a teenager isn't foreign to me, only that your brand of anger is really extraordinary. You know what to do next, I'm sure (that is to finish school!). As opposed to your gut feel, everyone in the family will always be here to support you (you just gotta do your part, man). And not a night have we ceased to pray for your healing. One day, you will find success within your hands. You just have to part away from the clenched fist and open up to God's help.

Happy birthday, brother.

I'm going to get married...... at Caleruega Chapel. Not now though, hehe! I've made up my mind that in plus plus years, I'll walk the aisle (and the uphill climb) of this fresh romantic place called Caleruega. If you've seen Sandy Andolong and Christopher de Leon's wedding, this church was the venue of the celebration. I must say, it's really the perfect place to get married.. or even the location of your photo-video shoot in case you want to mimick those celebrity weddings shown on TV. Every spot in the place seemed like it's telling a story. You can start a love story anywhere to one bench, to a swing, up to a relaxing fountain/waterfalls as your love blossoms to its fullest! How romantically imaginative! (Until you spend a few years more with your spouse hehe...) That's when reality bangs your head and every swing just looks like a swing, and a bench just a plain bench hehe.

But the bestest part of the experience was spending time with the ENTIRE family, and I mean ENTIRE, COMPLETE. My brother was with us. Didn't I mention that he only tags along like twice in six months. Very often, ei? tsk... tsk.. I guess he just didn't have a choice coz his girlfriend is abroad. As a consolation, dad allowed him to drive from our house all the way to Tagaytay! Whoa! That's been the longest distance he took since he got the student's license thing. Oh how I do wish we can have more times like this!

Here's one of our giggly-fun siblings pic with Mt. Taal in the background (asan?)

The return to Caleruega will be soon.... not on my wedding day yet, but on Dad's birthday.

Now all I need is the groom. wink!

PS: Church pics will be posted tomorrow, promise.

you may view the church facade and the beautiful, beautiful, romantic path any bride would love to walk on....

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/romzkee/album?.dir=/ac63scd

I'm always told (and I often say, as well) that one cannot fit a circle into a square. That concept has been running like blood in me. It shoots up into my veins whenever I encounter cruel frustrations in life. And so I've learned that one cannot make something fit if it's created to assume a different shape.

Sometimes I wonder, will I ever find a square that'll perfectly fit my standard figure? We all look for jobs, friends, relationships that fit who we are. Being successful in the quest proves difficult to people. Could it be that we are being too rigid, or closed-minded with our expectations? What if it is actually a circle that's meant to occupy the square? Maybe the ideal job we are eyeing, or the right person we are going after aren't the shapes we think are suitable. We just think they're gonna do well, though in the long run you get to realize it was the biggest mistake you ever made. Of course we don't realize a mistake unless they show their real nature through the consequences that tag along. What could be wrong? Was it supposed to be a circle, after all?

This guy once told me that a circle can fit a square if it's diameter equals the length of one side of the square. Geometrical, indeed. But there's something profound in it, for me. I realized that one can be too pre-occupied looking at the externals that things exude except for the inner quality of something. Then you find out, the internal character is all you were searching for.

"It doesn't seem like the perfect career for me"

"or the ideal person I am looking for"

"or the kind of car I'd like to drive"

"or the right size of house and lot" , etc. etc.

People repeat lines like these.

But the circle fits! Not perfectly though as compared to a square of the exact dimensions (can we really find something like it?). But this circle, despite its obvious difference in shape gives one more room for improvement, allows one to learn how to adjust and compromise, teaches one to be more understanding of shortcomings. In the end, it's actually the perfect fit.

Because it made you a better person in the process.

It's really making me cry and it's the last thing that I would ever want to do. No other kind of decision appears more regretful than letting go of something beautiful. It pains me to find out that it was actually me at the losing end. All the while I thought it's gonna be unfair to you but God knows how much I despise this feeling... because I cannot hold what I do not deserve. And even for just a while, you were able to show me that you are much more than the person I thought you are. And because of that, there is nothing more that I want but to let you become the best that you can be - even if it means not having me in the picture.

Go on and be a complete man. Do what has to be prioritized until you can say straight to my face that you are what you have been wanting to be. Boast about how far you've reached. Rant about how arrogant I am, or how overly practical/cynical I've become because I am inside this sphere called work. Dream of that time that you'll prove me wrong. Who knows maybe by then I'm no longer a concern. It's a stab when I think of it. But what else has to be done? I care for you so much that emotions are less appealing to me than the chance of allowing you to be a better person. You have to be cruel to be kind.

The heaviest feeling is contained in some vacuum inside me. Sad is an adjective too trivial to describe the intensity of the feeling... the pain of making this decision... the loneliness because you won't be able to read this... the agony that tonight I'm gonna miss you while you're sitting right next to me...

What does it take to be in the present?

It means accepting that you cannot shut out the memories of yesterday... that no matter how hard you try, you've already become at some level, a product of your experiences. At first, you try to forget them. You convince yourself that once they're out of your consciousness, you're gonna be all right. But later you find out it's not achievable... because your mind will always be an unsaturated sponge. It can always hold enough. Or maybe "enough" isn't the appropriate word beacuse you know you very well remember everything.

And you have no choice... but be in the present.

And being in the present is half the battle. Now you know that whatever it was that happened in the past can no longer grab and tear you apart... because you've won over it. Today is a different beginning for you. You think that the everyday struggle is a pain in the ass, when actually it's preparing you for a grand celebration. A celebration that one day you can live in the present - without the hurts, without the regrets (okay some, but not as big or as potent like before), and without the "what if's".

And this present may not always deal with you fairly. But just like every person's past, it'll one day be history. And you can always start from where you will be then.

Being in the present is a prized opportunity... it is your tool to work out the tomorrow you're dreaming of. It is being honest with what you are now... and what you can do more. It's learning that everyone makes mistakes. And second chances are real. Living in the present is celebrating who you are.... and acknowledging everything that was contributive to that.

And I couldn't write anything satisfactory for the past two weeks. As in there's hardly anything sensible that you can get from me. I'm not sure if this is a natural consequence of not regularly completing my copywriting tasks, or maybe it's simply me being so tamad to think.gosh.

Whew! okay, updates updates.. well I've taken a new role in GK (Gawad Kalinga) for our community. I'm doing (or better yet about to do pa lang) PMG. PMG stands for Partnership Management Group. To tell you honestly the whole thing still remains quite vague to me. If I'm getting it right, I think the PMG is the link between the GK caretakers (the volunteers who do house-building, tutoring, and stuff) and the marketing group (those who are chasing after SMART or San Miguel Corp to sponsor for GK). From what I understand, PMG will do the documentation of a particular GK site which includes the demographics, prevailing needs of the community, and of course the Community Development Plan. This whole thing kinda excites me because somehow it's giving this devcom grad the opportunity to practise what she learned from school.

You see, eversince I got into this call center (which freezes like North Pole is just outside the office door), and pretended to be a genuine Web Copywriter and SEO Specialist, it felt like all the noble causes of my chosen college field were swept away by the sea.... as in far far away. In fact when I do keyword research for escort service industries it's actually a contradiction to the value-laden path of development communication.

So that makes PMG a real inspiration to me now. Though I do get the days when I'm bugged with the thought that I won't be able to deliver quality work, somebody's stubbornly nagging me all the time. You see there's Mr. God telling me, "You can do all things..." (Philippians 4:13).

As for my writing,.... wha? oh what did you say? Orayt! Oh well, I just blogged. hehe!

At wala nang iba pang mas mahalaga sa tamis na dulot ng pag ibig nating dalawa. Sana naman ay nakikinig ka kapag aking sasabihin... minamahal kita....

- Moonstar88 (version of Panalangin by APO)

Di ko alam kung bakit ka ganyan.. mahirap kausapin at di pa namamansin. Hindi mo ba alam ako'y nasasaktan. di pa minamasdan malaman mo lang... mahal kita mahal kita hindi ito bola. Ngumiti ka man lang sana ako'y nasa langit na...

- Imago (version of Ewan by APO)

It's new, refreshing, and crisp to hear ladies sing their hearts out with songs known to be perfomed by men. I dunno, maybe it's just me but i really find it so fresh and appealing when girls sing "courtship" songs like these. Maybe because I'm a girl (heck rom, ano ba..).

I've always believed that if mom and dad had managed to come up with a boy as their eldest and not a hard-to-comprehend creature which is apparently a female (that's me), I'm sure i'd do a better job in courting. Not that i'm a T- ek ek, but I just have this sure feeling that i might be regarded as a romantic/creative lover of all times hahahaha!

I think i'm good at getting my message across especially when it deals with how i feel towards a guy. Whether i try to hide it or make it more obvious, most of the time i end up the one feeling "kilig" over my own confession of love. Nakakadiri talaga! hehehe! I dnt think men would appreciate such acts of mine. Somehow it eliminates the challenge. But just the same, it still makes me feel good to actually be able to articulate in my own unique ways why i can afford to delay sleep for an hour as i recall every bit of that scene when you said "let me help you, okay?" yihee!!!!

I know, I know this is gross. Hehe. If women weren't given the double standards that the world is posing on them, Shakespeare will not be the epitome of romantic love. Who then? Your guess is right. Haha!

I’m having a hard time concentrating. It feels like my mind doesn’t want to work on anything at all. What’s worse is that this brain goes hyper when I’m supposed to be dozing off for my day sleep (I hat how that sounds). But what can I do? I’m in graveyard shift and I dunno how many more chapters of this will come.

On one thought, maybe this hopelessness isn’t about my work schedule. Maybe that’s only a fraction of the issue. The thing that’s really taking its toll on me is the new team policy. For the nth time, gusto ko nang isigaw, Ayoko na talaga! Oh how many times have I wanted to quit but just didn’t have a choice? And does that piss me off?! 

Here’s the meat:

While it is acceptable to impose sanction to employees who often come late for work (read: SEO team), and display a lack of passion for their jobs as they gobble up all possible leave benefits, it is still UNFAIR, UNREASONABLE, and most of all, STUPID to terminate an employee because it's her second time to arrive late in a quarter of a year!

Never has it become so poignant to me as now to realize that I am not cut for employee life – ever. No, I appreciate hard work and labor but not injustice. You might say we deserve that kind of sanction for our lack of self-discipline. Very true, but one has to take note of all the factors working their destructive ways to send me to such fate.

1. Work starts at 6am. I live in Pasay; building (with the ultra Jurassic elevator) is located at Ortigas – and he expects me not to be late a single day?!
    
2. You might say I can get off naman early. Yes, it’s true my shift ends by 3pm – only that I’m required to render excess hours for the company without pay, take note.
    
3. And who can overlook the aircon??? Can I just tell the whole Philippines that we have been experiencing winter in August here? The Aircon blows like there’s no tomorrow. What’s worse is that no one will ever lift a finger to listen to your plea to please make your working environment normal. Why is that so? You’re part of the support group remember? This is a call center, honey. Sales rule! (I wish I could mention the *f  word here).

I wonder was it also an order to make our team feel unworthy of company care? Unworthy to be heard… too unimportant to be given concern? Are we simply dispensable, replaceable, push overs?