I finally let him go...

We've gone through a lot... no money, with money, we held on together. He's been the cause of many confusion and anxiety. Nevertheless, he taught me how to be happy and contented with what I have. We both love shopping... we really do. Whether it's a trip to mega, St. Francis, or the nearest Ukay in town, we were the tandem to beat. There were many times when I got him weary and torn. Still I managed to fix things up so that we could stay longer. He was the keeper, while I do most of the spending. He kept his patience for me. But I'm not exactly a big spender. In fact, I'm more of the kuripot type. But he taught me how to open my hands to people and give... yes, give generously when needed.

He was my budget keeper, identity holder, he was my everything... until he finally gave up on me. One day, it was pay day. He wasn't able to stand me anymore. He could not contain my shopping impulses... he grew tired of emptying all of himself for my satisfaction... He wanted to leave me.... he gave up.

This is goodbye... goodbye Marcus, my once faithful WALLET. wehehehehe! And now, I have a new one... let's call her Cindy.

Life is not all about racing.

The main character was Lightning McQueen, a race car… and his love interest was a (well, of course, a car hehe.. a lovely Porsche at that). The lady auto spoke of her life in the fast lane. She used to be a successful attorney in the bustling city of New York and to her surprise, found emptiness at her very core. She drove and drove until she reached Route 66. There stood a town of friendly town folks with their little thriving businesses. To top it all, the town homes a breathtaking landscape of beautiful cliffs and refreshing waterfalls. Ms. Porsche instantly fell in love with the place and she hasn’t left since then. “Life is not a race. Sometimes you have to slow down for a while.” Race car listened intently – and so did I.

The most striking line spoken in the story was that by Doc Hudson, a former 3-time Piston Cup Race champion (yeah, it’s a car we’re talking about here too). He asked Lightning, “Tell me of a time when you thought of someone else other than yourself?”

Geez.

We can reflect a handful of truth on that. In our busy bubble, we get compelled by the race… always in a hurry and always wanting to get ahead. Who wants to be left behind anyway? Sadly in the process of urgency, we get ourselves entangled in the web of self-centeredness. When we always want it our way, we focus on our own interests, on what will benefit us – and I am so guilty of that.

The movie ended with Lightning just a bumper away from the finish line. He’s gonna be the Piston Cup champion – a life long dream he sought to achieve. Down there at the sides was the legendary race car veteran. He’s all wrecked up by the collision caused by the selfish second runner-up behind him. Mr. Veteran couldn’t move a wheel. Lightning was the winner – almost… because he turned away from the finish line to help out the injured one to finish the race. Now that's a winner.

Barbie Almalbis is getting married at age 28. Hay, whenever I hear famous lovable bachelorettes about to walk the aisle, I get reminded of that one defining moment of girltalk with mommy. For so many years, I've heard mom say her classic lines of “finish-school-first”, and the “you're-still-too-young” kinda stuffs. I must admit, my parents didn't have a pretty smooth time handling me when I was inlove during my bright-I-don't-care-about-tomorrow hey days. Hehe. But now things are really soooooooo different. It's so different that I can almost always catch my parents asking me why I do not have a boyfriend yet. And then one day.... I got engaged... yes engaged.... engaged to a mom-daughter girltalk rather. haha.

Mom: And you're dating?

Me: Nope.

Mom: why?

Me: uh... wala eh.. no drive.. err.. I just can't seem to like someone.

Mom: walang may type.

Me: oi, grabe naman... hindi naman...

Mom: baka masyadong mataas standards.

Me: hindi naman... no one can be perfect.

Mom: so what are you looking for in a guy?

Me: congratulations! you're the 31^st person who asked me that hehehehe!!!

Mom: ano nga?

Me: uhm... basta parang shopping list hehe

(until now I could not figure out why I didn't answer her question).

Mom: kase sa listahan mo dapat may categories – negotiables and non-negotiables.

Me: oh...

Mom: Not everything should be a must... you can have some na pwede nang “can-have”

Me: Like?

Mom: for example, wealth is negotiable.

Me: But financial stability is NON-negotiable.

Mom: Right. I'm sure you can recognize the difference between the two. The sense of responsibility is also a must for a husband.

Me: and being God-fearing, and smart.

Mom: smart? Mahirap pa i-measure yun.

Me: eh kesa naman laging walang masabi. That's boring.

Mom: sense of humor?

Me: can-have na lang yan... madami naman ako nyan eh, share na lng kami. hihi!

Mom: o, what else?

Me: What would be your negotiables naman?

Mom: shempre, looks are negotiable na.

Me: hu? ah ok.. that's why you married dad.

Mom: e dba kamukha mo daddy mo? (laughter)

Me: (badtreep)

Pero honestly, I mean what's the whole point of dating? I think I kinda got my message across to my mom, that I won't be in a relationship unless I'm ready to be a wife... that sort of commitment. For me, that's the bottomline of everything. Parang if you can't, then why would you? I have yet to witness someone agree with me regarding this line of thinking. Almost everyone would tell me I'm bound to disappointment if I'd want the next man to be the right man. But isn't that a possibility too? I guess most people would just look at the other side of the coin, like as if the other half doesn't exist at all. Call it idealistic but I have yet to give up on God's grace. If it will entail so much waiting then so be it. No, waiting isn't a waste of time. Passive waiting is. Before, I used to think that waiting is futile coz I view singlehood as something I should do something about. It really took a longer time when I realized that being single is a gift to enjoy. I mean, it's the only time you have in your hands to be able to realize your fullest potential and build your character without the business of a partner. It's You, and you learn about You. And I believe unless you know yourself well and you are assured of your completeness as a person, that's the only time you can appreciate the totality of another person, as well.

Congrats to Barbie's engagement. As to my negotiable and non-negotiable list, maybe the next guy is working on it... and I should too.

I so miss going to school! Hayness... I can never make enough kwento about my elbi days. Presently, my dorm mate/room mate is actually my office mate! O dava! And what's so weird about that is the fact that we still get those twinkle in our eyes whenever we start reminiscing our hey days in college. True that when you stopped going to school, that's the time you start thinking about studying hehehe!


I miss Devcom. I miss my weekend routine of planning my outfit for the week ahead. When it's M-W-F, I'd be wearing the usual jeans and shirt coz those are my busiest, non-stop walking days in UP. But during T-Th, I'd likely be hanging around the Devcom building (which means more gurltalk with the bloc), and the sked is lighter. So what do you expect, outfit means party time hihihi!


I miss carabao park. I miss freedom park. I miss seeing college couples holding hand in hand without the awareness that next sem they won't be an item anymore. Haha. I miss my economics classes where econ studs would bully us, only to find out we top the exams hihihi.


I miss the simple joys of people watching... of eating nilagang mais while reflecting on the idealisms one carries with her youth. I miss thinking about the more important things in life besides cash. I miss my legendary professors, my young instructors who never fail to motivate me to aspire for character. I miss the privilege of making mistakes coz you're young. I miss falling in love. I miss learning... I miss the history of what I am now.

I was inspired by Bo Sanchez’ article on “Never Say You’re Ripe”. A fruit only start its decay when it finds itself ripe. I guess the same goes for men. Those that say they already know this and that would probably be on their way to rottening, watcha tink? I sometimes wonder why human beings can still commit the same mistakes. Could it be that there are lessons that always need to be relearned? That's why we have “reminders”. Where did I read about a man finding a higher source of learning only to find out the best lesson to learn is himself. So never say you're ripe.

I once heard a comment from a friend. Sabi nya I don’t see the purpose of going to church na every Sunday kase it’s the same thing that the priest tell us every year. Alam ko na yan eh. It’s nothing else but a reminder na lang. There’s nothing new.

But what is my friend missing? Just as our struggles vary every season of our lives, the insights that we can gain from Sunday mass if only we’d take time to reflect on them, are like crystals you find in the sand you thought was a bunch of grain on the sea. I feel that’s what you greatly miss when you let your church seat empty on Sundays. The gospel is unchanging and probably the same thing that you hear. But how about your life experiences, are they the same every year?

The repetition makes it a possibility to fall into the trap of meaninglessness when we go to mass. But as to my experience, the gospel/sermon gives a whole new perspective to my aching soul. Only when one takes on His Word into one's life and reflect on one's experiences can bring the essence of going to church. I'm sure it's not meaningless to reflect where your are where is God in your life now.

At this point in time, the magnitude of the movie's effect has quite subsided in me hehehe. I've finally seen the Lakehouse. And these are the things I have to say:

On Keanu Reeves

No other man can match his charm talaga. He's my long-time crush eversince puberty in high school wehehehe! Ang gwapo shucks! I wanted to run through the screen of the cinema and squeeze him into pieces!!!! hangkyut-kyut nya talaga! I remembered watching my favorite movie of him, "A Walk In the Clouds", which I watched for so many times I can't remember how many na hehe.

On Waiting

The movie simply affirmed the magic of waiting. At first, I thought it kinda dislodged the idea that it isn't a good thing when Sandra Bullock was speaking to the little girl, saying  that one needs to be careful with waiting coz you may be waiting for nothing (sort of like that, I can't remember the exact line, pathetic!) But in the end, the plot proved that waiting does its magic. Oh her line, "You've waited!" kinda knock me off my feet (exag na haha!) Haynesss.....

The Past and the Future

One has no other direction to take but the future. You cannot return to what has happened in the past, but can only change future things to happen. In the movie, it was Keanu who had to wait for 2 more years coz Sandra can't get back to the past else, he's gonna encounter his death. That's really profound noh? No one can do a replay but you can change the course of what's gonna happen next. And sometimes, it entails waiting to reach your goal in the future.

I'm dreamy

I wish such love story can exist in real life (duh!). Hmmm.... I dream of watching that movie again, two years from now................................ with someone special. yak! mag-imagine bah!!!!! haha!