Have you ever felt inadequate?

I always do.

This happens during those times when I can't seem to have what I want. I pray and ask the Lord for patience so that I'd have the renewed strength to go on each day... But the same ghost hunts me in the morning. When will peace ever come to my wretched heart? (ano beh ang arte!)

But everything's real. Reality is so insistent (or should I say persistent) in waking up my senses to what I don't want to see...

Have you ever had one thing so near under your fingertips and yet you can't get a hold of it anyway you try. It's just there. You stare at it. You crave for it. You wait for it to somehow notice you and your little world wishing for that one thing you've ever wanted all this time. But it just goes blah...  just blah...

How frustrating can that be? And what's worse is that you are simply a non-existent figure in that reality. That's what I feel. I feel inadequate. I feel like I'm so insignificant.  And in this month when you're supposed to be blissful, the feeling pulsates even more.

What is it with ancient Christianity that bugs me nowadays?

No, I don't wanna go spiritual in this blog entry but I guess we all at some point in our lives strive for some logic or rationality to back up our faith in God. So I guess that's been my motivation for actually taking the time to sneak into Powerbooks Megamall and read somewhere there in the "reading section". I just observed they've got parcels of this section in the store. Hehe!

I read with Karen (shinofangava???) on a Friday night when we felt so lazy (and sorry for ourselves) for going home early. I forgot the book she was holding. Mine was "Beyond Belief: The Secret Gospel of Thomas" by Elaine Pagels. At first I thought this was some sort of another Da Vinci Code decoding gag but as I read through the pages, the author's treatment is quite personal. It was an easy read.  I don't wanna divulge any information at this point in time but I think the book would revolve around the conflicts between the gospel of John and that of Thomas. The most disturbing point raised in there was the question on how the ancient church authorities (I dunno what to call them) chose which books to include in the New Testament. We only have four so why did they omit Thomas' (and a lot of others' too)? What basis for inclusion then?

Of course, I could not afford the time to finish the book but I believe I'd be a frequent visitor of Powerbooks (READ: the sala seat where you can read) from now on. It just frustrates me that the "Screwtape Letters" are quite costly for my wallet and that the store does not offer an open (as in walang plastik) copy for the readers. Sad... but I do feel that one of these days I can have a hand on that book (hi mother Reah!).

Christianity by far is the only faith I know that has a factual basis (c'mon, the Guy transformed into flesh, died, and was resurrected, remember?). But still, the enormous number of literature opposing the truth about salvation is continually increasing - thanks to Dan Brown. And from that, curiousity sprung from the minds of a lot of us. I don't wish to brand myself as among the "truth-seekers" because it gives quite a negative connotion, a weaker kind of faith perhaps. But I share the quest of really knowing the glory that the Lord has manifested on earth by sending us His Son that saved humankind. Whatever method we use (scientific or historic) to reach the truth, I'm sure we'd all end up to that same blatant reality that we are given.

And perhaps, isn't it wonderful if you could definitely say with all historical details that Christ really came out alive?

sharing lang ....

by John Fischer

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

I got this from one of those joke pages flying around the Internet. Actually, having everything coming at you may not necessarily mean you're in the wrong lane when it comes to personal growth. I would go as far as to suggest that everything going your way is probably a condition to be less trusted than feeling like you're driving into oncoming traffic.

I just don't see God as doling out ease and contentment. His business lies more in the areas of refining and shaping us to conform more to the
image of Christ, and none of that comes easy. Scripture indicates that the process by which this comes about includes, among other things, trials (James 1:2-3), suffering (Romans 5:3-4), discipline (Hebrews 12:7), and a growing sense of our own mortality (2 Corinthians 5:4-5).

In one illustration, Paul uses the metaphor of an earthen vessel to explain our human condition and how God uses us (2 Corinthians 4:7). To think about an earthen vessel (a piece of pottery) is to get an accurate picture of what we can expect in this life.

A pot begins as a lump of clay that is kneaded and slammed until all the air is out of it and the lump is the right consistency to form into something useful. Then it is placed on a potter's wheel where the potter molds and shapes it, spinning it in his wet hands, until its sides are stretched out and up into a shape that can hold something. Then it is set on a shelf and allowed to dry before the real fun part begins -- the firing -- after which it is glazed and fired again. (I hope you are imagining yourself going through all of this because that's the idea.) Finally it is ready to be used, and that usually includes some pretty rough treatment -- a seemingly endless pattern of getting dirty and being cleaned only to get dirty again. Over time it ages and cracks with use, but according to Paul's illustration, this only lets out more of what it contains, which is described as the light of Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6) -- for we are indeed this vessel. It is a process that gradually de-emphasizes us and more and more emphasizes what we contain.

Which is to say that when everything seems to be coming your way (trials, hardship, testing times) you are probably in the right lane after
all. It's the society we live in that thinks it deserves to have everything go its way. God never guaranteed anything of the kind, at least in this life.


John Fischer is the Senior Writer for Purpose Driven Life Daily
Devotionals.  He resides in Southern California with his wife and son.  John is also a published author and songwriter.

Today is WEBnesday!

For the past couple of weeks, my officemates and I have been striking the world-wide-web like there's no tomorrow. Sometimes I catch myself checking out my google-adsense account and blogsite first thing in the morning. It's no wonder that when I touched-down at elbi last week, I hurriedly got myself into the nearest internet cafe to get my daily dose of web surfing. grabe, addict!

It frustrates me a bit (o cge na nga, sobrang frustrated!) that wyldnation hasn't sent me my FTP details for the past 48 hours. I've been crackin' dead to upload my very amateur-trying-to-look-legit-site: medtranscriber.net! Hehehe! I wonder when will the money come in???

I have a friend who thinks I'm all after the money (and the shopping spree). Nope, na-ah. Well of course, the cash that goes with it is too awesome to ignore, but I believe it's not the main factor that's pushing me into these web rackets. I do not adhere to the theory that the question W.I.I.F.M will always, almost motivate people to adopt the idea being presented. But for me, I think my main motivation eversince high school is for self improvement. The desire to define my ends is so strong inside. Ambitous.

The web just like with life, is full of opportunities to learn and to grow. You can't help but marvel at the wide range of resources and knowledge tools to take hold of in there. It's an overly profound thing to say, you might think pero I get this feeling that somehow God is behind all these... opening my eyes to such a haven of things to learn. How wonderful His ways are!

Right now, I have a web copywriting _ _ _ _ _ _ (fill in the blanks na lng, ayaw pa-mention ni bossing hahaha!), and an upcoming site that's sure to hit the money machine!!! (wish mo lang, rom!) Not for the money daw o? Haha. Pramis! It's cool to learn HTML (thanks to joni, rhiz, and ying).

What more can I say? I'm simply loving the web... and I can feel the glory of harnessing my raw potentials for a better me (uh, someday? Hehe).

The country gets into another game of nationalists and pseudo-nationalists in today's EDSA revolution celebration. I wonder if it's still correct to call it a celebration of the People Power victory or just one perfect time to take advantage of the situation.

Can we oust Gloria? The cards seem to be all in her hands...

President declares state of national emergency

source: http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/

President Arroyo declared a state of emergency Friday, hours after disgruntled soldiers launched a coup attempt.

Press Secretary Ignacio Bunye said the President signed Proclamation No. 1017 placing the entire nation under a state of emergency.

In a televised speech, Mrs. Arroyo said the government will arrest military officers and civilians linked to the coup attempt.

Below is the President's complete statement:

"May ilang sumubok lumihis sa Armed Forces chain of command, lumabag sa gobyernong sibil at magtatag ng rehimen sa labas ng Saligang-Batas.

"Nabuwag natin ang pakanang ito kasama sa mga kilos natin ang pagdakip ng mga militar at sibilyang magkakasabwat at hindi din papalampasin ang mga nagbibigay ng salapi at suportang politika sa pag-aalsa.

"Napigil na ng pamahalaan itong iligal na pagkilos maliban sa ilang tumiwalag na sa pwesto at matapat sa linya ng pamunuan ang lahat ng opisyal ng militar hanggang sa batalyon.

"Bilang commander in chief, kontrolado ko ang sitwasyon.

"Katatapos ko lang pulungin ang aking gabinete na nagkakaisa at buong loob na ipagpatuloy ang serbisyo publiko sa kabila ng kalagayang pang-seguridad.

"Nananawagan ako sa lahat ng ating pamahalaang lokal na patuloy na maglingkod.

"Hindi dapat malagay sa alanganin ang kaligtasan at kabuhayan ng tao.

"Samantala pinapaubaya ko sa pinuno ng AFP at hepe ng PNP ang mga nararapat na pagkilos. Mag-uulat sila sa media hinggil sa mga darating na pangyayari.

"Mag-uulat naman ang secretary of foreign affairs sa mga embahador.

"Ito naman ang babala ko sa mga nagbabalak laban sa bayan - babagsak sa inyong pagtataksil ang buong bigat ng batas.

"Ipinapahamak n'yo ang mga mahihirap sa inyong paghatak sa bansa palayo sa ating nararapat na antas sa daigdig bilang kuta ng pagkakaisa, pagsasakripisyo, pagmamalasakit at kahusayan sa mundo.

"Kinakalaban n'yo ang ekonomiya sa kanyang mga tumatatag na saligan.

"Mga kababayan hinihiling ko sa inyong lahat na manatiling mahinahon.

"Nananawagan ako sa media na iulat ang pangyayari sang-ayon sa tungkulin sa bayan at huwag palampasin ang mga nakakasamang alingasngas at maling balita.

"Salamat sa inyong pananalig sa bayan at sa ating magandang hinaharap.

"Pagpalain nawa ng Diyos ang sambayanang Pilipino."

It was supposed to be a perfect Sunday for me last Feb 26 (okay, yesterday). I went jogging around the park's oval in our village where I was hugged by the cool Cavite breeze amongst the lovely pine trees while I did my 3-lap thing. My cutesy-cuddly-kissable-kiddie sisters went out for the playground while mom and dad walked along the oval too.

After the family lunch, I hopped into a bus to go straight back to Pasay where I stay with my aunt. I got invited to attend this Singles For Christ's Christian Life Program. Afterwards, I heard mass at the same chapel here in Villamor (red alert. ang haba ng nilakad ko to get to the area haaaaay....).

So watcha say? I felt all holy and Christian that time until I got home, checked my phone, and was surprised to see my brother's ex-gf's mobile number! I knew that the right thing to do was just to ignore the msg. But since, the devil was so sleek in tempting me to answer back (and take note: to use harsh words), we ended up fighting!

How I hated this girl for breaking my brother's heart in exchange for another guy... and so I got so tempted to engage in a "word-war" with her. I was so mean I called her ka-cheapan! Haha! And of course, she fought back coz she couldn't take it! Then went our senseless and evil-inspired blah blahs...

Afterwards, we exchanged our apologies (of course, she gave in first hehe).

What do I wanna say?

That I really felt terrible for saying those things. It felt like my aching legs today coz I forgot all about warming up first before going jogging.

I shouldn't have gone that far and I shouldn't have allowed myself to get into that "ka-cheapan word war". The worst part was, I just got off from church! Imagine?!

I've learned that no one's really spared of the devil's tricks. You can't say no even if you perfectly know that you have to say no. No matter how holy you are (or you think you are)... regardless of the kind of service you offer for the church, it still boils down to one issue - you've got to live out what you learn from your faith. That simply means you have to treat each other like bros and sisses (and you don't have any right to call someone "cheap" ).

It's a humbling experience... and I really felt bad. Tsk! Sorry.

Hahaha! Funny how the office background music played on “Do The Hustle!”. I was reminded of one of my fave films. Though there is no clue whether it became a hit back then in 1998, it sure did hit my funny bones! No HBO broadcast of Forever Fever was spared by me and my brother. If you can catch up on one copy in the video shop, might as well give it a try and you'll laugh your heart out.

My favorite line: The more you dance, the more you ROMance!

FOREVER FEVER – 1998

Directed by Glen Goei

(excerpt a.k.a "copy-paste" )

There's strange fever sweeping across the island of Singapore. Forever Fever. Its only symptoms: a sudden urge to put on spandex and go disco dancing! And a humble but hapless grocery clerk named Hock (Adrian Pang) is hopelessly infected with it.

It all begins when Hock's friends entice him to come to the movies with them after work one evening, with the promise of seeing a Bruce Lee movie. To his disappointment, what's showing instead is Forever Fever, a Saturday Night Fever knock-off that nearly puts Hock to sleep, that is until the movie's main character steps off the silver screen (a la Purple Rose of Cairo) to be Hock's personal mentor in his sudden urge to become the local disco king.

hehe...

We know John Travolta. On the other side of the globe, Adrian Pang as Hock is a wistful young man from a middle-class Singapore family on the fast track to nowhere, but he lives in hopes of buying a fancy motorcycle. His brother, a med student, is the family's pride and joy, and his circle of friends are the same ones he's known for years. Just a bunch of kids from the neighborhood, until he meets Julie, a slightly older and more sophisticated girl who has just the right look and all the moves Hock needs to help him win the big dance contest at the Galaxy disco so he can buy the motorcycle of his dreams.